I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
