i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
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