My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
