Swine flu. Run for my life!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I love you. Go after that dick
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
