Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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