I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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