We won't sleep together?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize