you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
