also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
