Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize