i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
