So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
