Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
