life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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