I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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