Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
