Pants 0. Shit 1.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
