Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
