Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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