Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
nutella sex= disaster
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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