this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
they're like a gay fantastic four
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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