The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
