I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just want nice things and good sex
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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