I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
