Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
