Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The adults are the big ones right?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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