I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i was born a porn star she said
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
