sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
