You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
