whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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