Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
