let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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