Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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