Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
