We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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