Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
