Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
