i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
