But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
