Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
