There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I intend to get homeless drunk
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
