I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
