if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
