I wish I could punch you in the face.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
