I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
