So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
