OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
