You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Congratulations! We have a period
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
