True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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