We won't sleep together?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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