Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
