My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
