NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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