if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize