DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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