Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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