Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
