She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
