actually, I'm a sock model
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
