he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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