Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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