Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
