GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
