My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
