I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
