I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
