We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was born a porn star she said
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
