D3 body, D1 cock
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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