My friends, they love my intelligence
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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