Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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