I'm lost and stupid without you.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
