Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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