i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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