mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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