i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
